TIAL: A Little Drink Can't Hurt Can it?
by Travithian Axile
Summary: Oneshot, PreMeteor days.When President Shinra throws a party, the General is grudgingly forced to join in the fun, unknowing that he will be scarred forever. Rated for drug use, shameless flirtation, and language.


Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VII, the characters, locations and so on and so forth. So don't sue me, okay?

Summary: One-shot, Pre-Meteor days. 'He would never forget the time Scarlet had made unwelcome advances towards him. His mind wouldn't let him.' When President Shinra throws a party, the General is grudgingly forced to join in the fun, unknowing that he will be scarred for life. Involving shameless flirting, Hojo plotting, drugs, and loads of strange humor. Rated for bad language.

A Word from the Author: A little TIAL story, stemming from the incident Sephiroth was telling Paine about in the ball scene. (Just click on my bio if you haven't read it yet, please!!! Though this story works as a standalone fic.) Hopefully it's funny, cos this is my first fully-based humor fic. On with the story!

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TIAL: A Little Drink Can't Hurt...Can it?

The president was holding yet another ball in commemoration of the anniversary of Wutai's defeat last year. Sephiroth had previously escaped involvement in previous parties by assigning himself missions every time one had come up. Alas, it was not to be so this time. As the man who had brought Wutai to its knees, he was 'expected' to attend since the party was being thrown in his honor. Or more bluntly, he was forced to sit there and look good for the press. He didn't kid himself that the President ever gave a damn about him; he was just some prize dog with a fancy collar who had done better than the rest so he was allowed to live longer.

On the day of the ball he dragged as much as possible, so when he arrived, clad in full ceremonial uniform, the party was in full swing. The music was loud and raucous and couples were swaying vigorously to the beat on the floor. He tried to slink in without drawing any attention, but since his clothes were a gaudy horror of gold and blue, he could hardly escape unnoticed. He hadn't even taken three steps before cameras was flashing in his face. He snarled at them blackly, and in a matter of moments his way was clear. Breathing a sigh of relief, he scooted to the nearest corner and tried to conceal himself behind a potted plant. It was difficult when one had long, waist-length silver hair and glowing green eyes. Not to mention his suit.

He hated these formal occasions, in which he had to be nice and charming to the officials who kept the sluggish heart of Midgar beating, with President Shinra scowling meaningfully at him behind their heads. They just sat behind their desks getting fat and corrupt and patting themselves on heir backs while he and his men had fought in Wutai with heavy losses and won. The SOLDIERS had been the one out in the field suffering and bleeding at the behest of their President's orders, while the bigwig dignitaries congratulated themselves, imagining the small part they believed they had played. Sephiroth let out a quiet snort. Idiots.

To his dismay, President Shinra noticed him standing as inconspicuously as possible behind the fern and wobbled towards him, a jovial smile spread over a flabby face already ruddy with too much drink. His 'escort' of the evening sauntered beside him, hips swaying immodestly. It was Scarlet, Head of Weapon Development. There had been much speculation over how she had gotten the post; though devious, she was nothing more than your typical blond bimbo. Some of the rumors whispered that Scarlet was extremely good at 'positioning' herself...Sephiroth's lips curled in a sneer as he took in the woman's outfit for the evening. Her lips were outrageously rouged and her eyelids were rimmed in glittery blue mascara. She was clad in a little red sleeveless dress so tight it seemed that she might burst out of it at any moment. It was nowhere near her neck and ended just a few centimeters shy of breaking the requirements of modesty above her knees. A swimsuit would have covered more skin than that dress. She looked back at him, at unsettling look on her face. Like a cat looking at a mouse, he thought uneasily. Behind the couple, he could see Rufus, wearing his trademark white coat, standing well back and shooting a look of revulsion at Scarlet. No doubt one of her seduction attempts had failed miserably.

"General," President Shinra boomed practically in his face. The sickening smell of alcohol and cigarettes washed over him in a pungent wave. Sephiroth cringed but fought not to show it. This was the man who was paying him after all. "What're you doing here? You should be out there, making connections, and being proud of yourself!" The President gave his general a thump on the shoulder for emphasis, and Sephiroth endeavored to keep a straight face. "After all, you were the one who secured our victory, my boy! You don't need to be shy. Come on out."

Sephiroth hesitated, but President Shinra was looking at him so he sighed and stepped out of his corner. Glumly he followed his employer out into the middle of the room and paused to exchange a wink of sympathy with Tseng who was watching over the President that night. Instantly he was surrounded by a bunch of annoying fur-clad women all clamoring for a dance and men in tuxedos wanting to talk about the war. He gritted his teeth, unable to decide which category was more annoying. Feeling Shinra's eyes on him, he took drastic action and grabbed a random female from the group of fan girls in front of him. After all, he figured, once the dance ended he could just dump her and just go back to being a wall ornament.

A normally ten minute event became eternity and he was glad to flee at the end, distracting the pouting female by asking her to get drinks. He rubbed his sore ears tenderly. He had never heard so many 'SQUEEEEs!' in his life. He was intent on thinking small and invisible thoughts when there was a sudden commotion. Being taller than average, he was able to look over the heads of the gathered crowd and see that the President had apparently gotten drunk and was lying eagle-spread on his marble floor grinning foolishly. The Turks walked over and it took all three of them to bodily heave their President out of the room, presumably to the paramedics to get him sobered up. Reno looked disgusted to have his off-duty hours interrupted and he muttered in a clear undertone to Rude as he passed the General, "Damn it. I'll never get this fucking grease off my hands." The bald Turk flashed an almost-smile but didn't say anything. Sephiroth smirked, relieved to be freed out the President's presence and turned around to find himself facing a most amusing scene. Rufus was backed up against the wall, trying to avoid Scarlet, who was shamelessly flashing her...er...assets at him. 'Help me!' he mouthed helplessly to a passing SOLDIER, who turned out to be Zack. The black-haired man shook his head in silent empathy and walked on before Scarlet could turn her attention to him. Scarlet's face was inching closer to Rufus' with every second, smacking her big fish lips at him. Rufus looked positively desperate and his fingers were clawing against the wall as though he could dig a tunnel through. Fortunately for him, at that moment Reeve appeared, and stared for a moment before adopting a resigned expression and saying, "Sir, your father has requested that you go over the plans for the drop-catches on the sector plates that I have designed. I understand that this is a party and you might prefer to, uh, continue enjoying yourself as opposed to working, but if you would be so kind as to follow me..."

"Yes! I'll go with you!" Rufus said hastily. Scarlet pouted as she stepped back and released him from her taloned clutches. Rufus looked like he was on the verge of hugging Reeve but thought better of it. The two men disappeared into the crowd and suddenly Sephiroth realized his danger as Scarlet turned her calculating blue eyes on the vast crowd, seeking for new prey. He casually turned his back and sidled over to his customary hiding place. Alas, Scarlet's eyes were amazingly sharp for someone un-enhanced by Mako. Her painted fingernails were digging in his arm by the time he had completed his turn. He gnashed his teeth together and imagined the Midgar Zolom eating her alive. The image, accompanied by vivid imagery, helped somewhat and he looked at her more or less calmly, tightening his lips. From his height he could clearly see down the front of her dress and he shuddered, transferring his gaze to a point over Scarlet's head. She had tied her hair in an elegant bun with pearls and gold twined among the strands.

"Care for a dance, General?" Scarlet asked in her too-sweet voice, thick and rich like honey. In Sephiroth's opinion, she would have been a beautiful woman without the makeup and the other creams she used to slow down the march of time. The reason he disliked her was the way she used her body to get herself into positions of power though she did possess the brains to win said post. She was just taking the easy way out.

"No thanks," he said bluntly edging away from her. She just didn't know when to give up, he thought angrily. This wasn't the first time, and this definitely wouldn't be the last. Only lust-besotted fat men like President Shinra gave in to her dubious charms.

"A drink with me, then?" she persisted. He heaved a sigh, his shoulders slumping. Maybe if he humored her, she would leave him alone for good. He nodded and they made their way to the banquet table. She filled his glass with champagne for him and one for herself and handed his to him, her long manicured nails resting on he rim for a second longer than necessary. Still annoyed by Scarlet's infuriating and painfully transparent advances, he drained it rather too fast in one gulp and choked a bit. A strange feeling of light-headedness came over him and he tried to shake the feeling away. That was odd, he thought as the ballroom came back into focus. Alcohol had certainly never affected him this way before. One blessing his Mako injections could give him.

He slammed the glass on the table and noticed that his hand was shaking. "What the hell?!" he muttered, ignoring Scarlet and doing a self-examination. He felt fine, if a little woozy, probably from the effects of drinking too fast.

"Are you feeling well?" Scarlet asked, peering into his face. He glared at her and opened his mouth, then his senses shivered and were gone.

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(An undeterminable period later...)

Sephiroth came slowly back to himself some time later, and discovered, first, that he was still on his feet. The noise around him told him that he was still at the party, and since there was no screaming or any suspicious sounds whatsoever, he concluded that his strange blackout was not part of an abduction attempt. His back was also against something hard, so he was leaning on a wall. He seemed to have suffered no bodily harm and everything seemed to be in place. Cautiously he cracked open an eye...

And nearly fainted from the sheer horror of the sight that met his eyes.

He...

He was...

He hurriedly closed his eyes again, jerking his head backwards in case the vision he had seen was true, whispering a prayer to whatever Powers That Be that he was just having a terrible nightmare.

He popped open an eye again and groaned as he realized that, no, he was NOT dreaming. Hell, he might as well admit the truth to himself.

He was being snogged senseless by Scarlet. Literally. In a flash of insight, he thought back to how Scarlet had given him his drink, giving her a golden opportunity to spike his drink! How could he be so damn careless?!!!

All these things took less than a second for Sephiroth's mind to process, and as his mind comprehended that, yes, he was...(his stomach turned over) he almost screamed, but then his brain concluded that it would only draw attention to himself and make him the laughingstock of the whole Shinra company. Therefore, he only squeaked a little and firmly clamped a hand over Scarlet's lips, which were reaching towards him again, and said sternly, but very softly, "What in Bahamut's name do you think you're bloody doing, you...you..." He unleashed an impressive amount of swear words on Scarlet very quietly, every syllable filled with anger. When he was done, Scarlet sniffed and removed his hand from his mouth. "It was a science experiment. I knew I should have tripled the dose."

"Science—? Don't give me that crap...wait." Sephiroth mastered himself and plucked a tiny gadget from Scarlet's bun. Its lenses winked in the light of the chandelier. The general trembled in rage. "Hojo!" He stared into the lens. "You keep me out of your sick experiments, you son of a whore! Enough is enough!" He crushed the micro-cam in his hand and dropped the mess carelessly on the floor.

"Hey!" Scarlet protested. "That was expensive!"

Sephiroth glared at her with fiery eyes. "That can't possibly pay for what I lost in dignity. You're lucky I don't cut you into a zillion pieces right now. And believe me, you deserve it." Shuddering, he straightened his collar and wiped the back of his hand against his mouth. "If you don't mind, I need to go gargle out my mouth."

"Hold on!" The woman grasped the general's elbow as he turned to leave. Lowering her voice to a husky whisper, she said, "But didn't you enjoy that? We're alone here. We could start again."

He looked at her with frank disbelief. "You have such utter temerity, don't you? I could almost admire your stubbornness if it wasn't being used in such a negative fashion." His eyes narrowed and he spat out the words at her. "Don't push my patience."

She put her hands on his shoulders and kissed him again. He stiffened. He couldn't believe that she had tried that again! Without the drug Hojo had used to make him pliable too. Slut.

He finally lost it. He was having the worst day of his life, and Scarlet was not improving matters. He seized her by the waist and jerked her free. She smiled at him, running her tongue over her lips. "So you wanna play rough?" she asked with a lewd wink.

He gave her a feral smile and threw her away from him. Unfortunately for Scarlet his anger had caused him to misjudge his own strength and she went sailing over the crowd like a crimson balloon. Eyes went up to watch Scarlet's flight as she finally arced down and landed head down in the punch bowl, splashing juice everywhere, her legs kicking frantically and giving the guests a glorious view of her knickers. Most looked disapproving, but the SOLDIERS laughed and nudged each other, making dirty comments. Sephiroth surveyed the scene in supreme satisfaction, folding his amrs over his chest with a nod.

Zack ambled to his side, smirking. "Good work, Seph."

"It's Sephiroth," the General corrected with a smirk of his own.

"Whatever...hey, Seph, is that lipstick on your face?"

"You don't want to know," the Genera said enigmatically, striding away towards the men's bathroom.

Zack considered this and looked at Scarlet, who was still flailing wildly, and looked back at the departing figure of his General. "No," he said to himself, scratching his spiky hair. "No, I probably wouldn't."

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Author's Ending Note: I hope you wasn't too offended at the Scarlet thing. I was kind of inspired by all those fics I read where Hojo was trying to hook Seph up with someone so he could examine the child of a human/Cetra union (though we know Seph isn't a Cetra, Hojo doesn't) So, in this fic Hojo just goes one extra step. To tell you the truth, I was so totally creeped out by the idea of the SS interaction...(shudder, the horror, the horror!) Comments are welcome as usual and any questions will be addressed at the next chapter of TIAL. See ya!

Travithian Axile signing off


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